I just took a big bite out of the salty hard home made burger that I spent hours making today. Recently, the only thing that I don't mind wasting my time on is experimenting with food. I'm driven by a mix of curiosity, hunger and the hope of being praised by my peers for my exceptional good skills of cooking. The funny thing is, I've always said that I do not care what people think of me. Still, I need them to appreciate what I do or else I lose my motivation for doing it. I know!! It sounds contradicting, doesn't it? I don't know what to say. I am ashamed of myself. I have figured that I am motivated by the approval of people for quite some time now. I wasn't like that when I was younger. Was I?

I used to be the lone kid that doesn't talk much. I used to like walking at night next to the beach, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the wave breakers. I used to drift in my imagination a lot about the future, what will happen then, and how I will be changing the world from behind the scenes and only a few will know what I really did. But as I grew old, I lost the privilege of looking and dreaming about the future.

Today, if I look into the future, I see an old wrinkled me, forgotten, with no one around, and more useless than now. I started to value the time that I have right now more than ever. If I will ever be great, it should now! "Now is the time to be great OMAR!" .... Never mind that voice. It's an echo that have been going around in my head since I entered my thirties. I won't lie to you. I do not know how to be great. I have all these skills, but I couldn't come up with one idea that can convince me that it is the thing, or the path to my greatness. Everything I thought off is .. normal. Not to mention that I cannot understand what people like these days. My taste is so out dated. Whenever I say "I'll make a great drawing that everyone will like.", only a handful like it; probably they just like me and so they are just being polite. And the funny thing is that when I do something I consider 'sketchy' or 'crappy', it gets swamped with likes. This is so confusing for me! not to mention ...stuff stuff that I cannot share in public...

OK, I would love to continue this rant and talk about other things... but my Mom is probably going to be reading this.. so I should stop here before I get bombarded with questions that I do not want to answers ... (Hello Mama XOXO)

*SIGH* the paradox of anonymity on the web...

Well, If you've read till here then I owe you a cup of coffee and a promise to listen to your rant someday, just remember to leave me a comment to prove it ;p

Cheers,

Today on the news (again) heartbreaking images from Syria. A kid, named Omran, was salvaged from under the rubble of his home that was destroyed by air strikes in Aleppo. Russia has been bombarding civilians in Aleppo-Syrian with its air force under the claim of "fighting terrorism". To those who believe that.. is Omran a terrorist? a kid?.. Omran had no expression on his face when he was saved. He was in shock. As if he woke up from a bad dream, only to find that the nightmare is real! His silent grief bleeds my heart. His eyes are full of disappointment in us... I am ashamed of myself.

I leave you with this piece that Omran's story made me draw.

"A world without heroes"

SPOILER! SPOLERS! SPOLIERS!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I've just noticed something about One Piece; All of its arcs are about regaining a freedom. From the very first episode that Luffy frees Coby to the latest arc where they try to free Sanji.

Luffy is looking for the ultimate freedom: The freedom from all kinds of authorities. He just wants to do whatever he likes and he realised that the best way of doing this is to be the strongest authority in the sea.. The Pirate King! Although he doesn't give a rat's ass about the title itself or the power that comes with that title, and that's why we all love Luffy. :)

On that note, the crew themselves were freed by Luffy in one way or another. Here's the way I see it:

• Zoro: Freed from prison, still captive to his promise to his old friend though...
• Nami: Freed from debt.
• Usopp: Freed from living a lie, and I'm not sure if there's more to this to come.
• Sanji: In the latest arc we see that he'll be freed from his evil family ties.
• Chopper: Freed from racism and superficiality.
• Robin: Freed from her false reputation, injustice and government's greed.
• Frraaaanky (Cutty Flam): Freed from guilt over the arrest and death of Tom-san.
• Brook: Freed from Moria and his darkness (yohohohohoo)
• Jinbie: Freed from his responsibilities... Well, let's see if he actually can go against Big Mom... 'XD

Lastly, let's talk about Ace... Yes he ended up dying, but Luffy kinda freed Ace from his self loathsomeness (what a word LOL) and parental stigma... Ace's last words reflects how he thought that he wasn't worth anything before this incident due to being Gol D. Roger's son. His death scene quite an Emotional one.

But not as emotional as the scene when Luffy expresses his gratitude to Going Marry as they burn it. That scene did make me shed tears... and want a Going Marry figurine (Wink wink)

That's it for this Piece: The Story of Freedom ..

ONE PIECE!

Have fun!

"When you are afraid of something, dive straight into it, because the intensity of abstaining from it is greater than what your are afraid of."
-- Ali Ben Abi Taleb (MGBPH)

Soon I'll be facing one of my biggest fears that haunted me for as long as I remember. I don't know what to feel. Part of me is super excited, because if I do succeed, I'll forever be relieved of it. The other part where I should be really scared, well, I'll deal with it as it comes.

I'm usually not optimistic, and for sure I am not right now, but experience has taught me one valuable lesson: "The harder it is, the stronger you'll become."

If you are wondering why did I not face it before, well it's simple... I didn't have the money to do it. But something came up and I decided to ride the wave no matter how much this will cost. And believe me, I had the option not to do it, but enough is enough.

I'm sick of it.

Let's just blast that fear away!

PS: MWF = my worst fear.

Frank Walker: Well, Miss Newton, you want to tell our recruiters what they're looking for?

Casey Newton: Dreamers... we are looking for dreamers. Those who will feed the right wolf.

Yesterday I had a great time watching Tomorrowland on Netflix. It really resonated with me. A movie about innovation and new ideas with a smart hint about what is wrong with this world. Before you continue reading, I have to warn you, there might be spoilers in this post.

One of my favorite ideas in that movie is about hope. About how we should not submit to the negativity that hovers as a possibility for our future, but rather we should keep dreaming about a better future and work to make it happen... and that got me thinking about my life right now.

I have recently went through a change of heart. I don't know why, but I can't feel motivated towards anything. It's like I subconsciously gave up on my dreams. This movie helped me realize that I actually been fighting hard to stay hopeful among all the people who kept saying "it's not possible", "you can't ..", "no body will accept you..." ... I kept saying "I can, it's foolish but it's not impossible".. but then I just couldn't go on.. I used to have that person who I felt that I shared those foolish hopes with, but I don't feel that anymore. I feel that they "grew up" and submitted to the majority of people who plan realistically based on better possibilities. Struggling alone is just not easy .. but after watching that movie, I think that I should keep going.. maybe one day I'll find people who still share those stupid impossible dreams and things will be happier..till then I leave you with Athena's dying words...

"Dreamers need to stick together."

"Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, 'There's no place like home'" --Glinda, The wizard of Oz.

Person: "Where are you from?"
Me: "It's complicated. Do you want to know where I was born? Where I'm originally from? or What is my nationality? Or perhaps where I lived before coming to Canada?"

You might think I am exaggerating, but I am not. During the last 7 years that I spent in Canada, the most difficult question for me to answer was "where are you from?". Since Canada has a multicultural society, you'll find that every culture interprets that question differently. And having a "international" background, makes it very tricky to answer that question. In the Middle Eastern cultures, "where are you from?" means "where are your grand grand grand grand parents from?". Whereas for Europeans and Americans, it is more of a "Where were you born and raised?" question. Authorities, however, would probably mean "what's your nationality". And in multicultural society, like Canada, you might find that some people actually mean "where did you come from?" as in your last place of residence.

One smart young lady simplified the question to me once; she asked "Well, where do you feel home is?". I smiled as I answered. She hit the mark. In my ideal world, "where are you from?" should always mean "Where does your heart live?".

I have been in a struggle recently due to events that occurred in my life. Maybe it is what you call an identity crises... I am not sure. But I look at myself and I see that I am attached to the place I call home, may be a little bit too much. I know many of my close friends who moved abroad, and I have discussed with them several times before about where is home for them. They all moved on. Accepted their current place as home, and are living their lives accordingly. Others still consider the birthplace of their parents to be their home, even though they didn't spend much time there (a feeling I never understood).

For me? after all those years, my heart is still attached to that place. The memories are just too much for me to let go off. The pain is way too much to bear. No matter how much I try to fit, I just don't. I have made friends in Canada, I am good at making friends. But I still read the news from home, follow people on twitter who are mainly from there, have midnight cravings every night for food that I used to eat there even though it might be just cheese spread and bread :).

I think my problem is my loyalty. I have always been the stubborn kind. Once you are my friend, in my mind, you'll be my friend till I die. Even if I didn't see or speak to you since 7th grade. But what can I do. Change? how? erase my memory? if that would happen, who would I be? I bet I'd be someone totally different. Maybe... I don't know..

For now, All I can do is take Glinda's advice and just close my eyes and repeat ....

'There's no place like home'.

"My Bro is dead, HE'S GONE! But he's right there on my back, and here in my heart! HE LIVES ON AS A PART OF ME!! If you're gonna dig, dig to the heavens. No matter what's in my way, I won't stop! Once I've dug through, IT MEANS THAT I'VE WON!! Just who the hell do you think I am? I'm Simon. I'm not my Bro, Kamina. I'M ME!! SIMON THE DIGGER!" -- Simon, Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggan

This post is about self motivation. About the flame with in. About self confidence. About waking up everyday with the drive to pierce the skies. About sticking to who you are, no matter how tough it gets and how useless or foolish it might seem. About not changing just because people no longer believe in your views. About not yielding to peer pressure, to negativity, to pain, to societies acceptance. This post about being stubborn when it comes to being you! About fighting till the end with your inner daemons. So when the winds stops moving your boat in the direction you want, DON'T QUIT! ROW ROW Fight the POWER!